22 minutes ago
Intimacy is precious. Whether it’s emotional, sexual or spiritual. When you have it, you take it for granted and when you don’t, you crave it. Or in some cases, become absolutely indifferent to it. I’m in the boat that has sailed in the roughest waves and is presently resting on a deserted island, confused between staying a while or wanting to leave.
I’m rarely a woman of regrets. I will do as I like, at whatever pace I like but not whoever I like. Until the mere existence of a person doesn’t intrigue my soul, I wouldn’t get intimate. But, it’s been twelve whole weeks since I felt someone’s warm breath against my neck, or a gentle nibble on my earlobe. No one has played with my long mane or kissed that mole on the back that can not be found. Or, figured out where it tickles the most. No one has neither woken me up wanting more, or looked into my eyes and told me how they feel. No one has dissolved into me so each molecule of his could merge with each molecule of mine and no one has created infinity with me in a while. No one has touched me in a while. Or, I’ve not wanted anyone to?
The thing is, I’ve had opportunities but I also thankfully have had the patience to just deal with myself for a bit. If you ask me how’s it going.. I’d say there are nights filled with stars but no one to share the bed with. I’d say it gets lonely more often than I like. But the freedom that comes along with this choice and the calm that runs through my veins is unfathomable. Sure, I need someone to hold. Sure, I need sex. But I’ve been training my soul to not give everyone a chance. I’m happily restraining till a moment of hope arrives when I know I wouldn’t have to change for someone. I’ve happily accepted that love doesn’t stay for someone like me; I endure it everywhere I go. It’s always there hence the universe doesn’t make the effort to give it to me in the form of just one person. Someone once told me I’d need to travel the whole world in search of love. Maybe that’s why I love wandering. Maybe my inner self knows it. But as of now, my heart is in a state of nostalgia, in a constant struggle to move forward, trying to let go as I continue to not stay. 🖤