2 minutes ago
don’t ask me how it began, because i can’t possibly begin to tell you. one minute i was laying dead in my bathtub when this dude came up to me, eating my bags of cheetos. “you don’t look so hot.” he said, in a southern accent, slowly pulling out a gun from his anus. she was right, i was extremely cold, and very frightened of the being outside my window. this southern gentleman kept pulling the gun out, slowly with speed until i heeded him to leave, before it was too late. “no,” the southern woman said, performing an Irish jig, “the sick can’t be healthy until proven guilty!” and so he dies, gurgling soap from her fingertips as it oozes out... somewhere. “my oh my!” i said, dry as the ocean, if an ocean weren’t wet. a piccolo was in my hands, and i knew what i must do. i screamed until my nostrils bled and my nostrils bled and my nostrils bled and my nostrils bled and my nostrils bled. and then i screamed until my nostrils bled and my nostrils bled and my nostrils bled
“What in carnation?” yelled a very northern human (trafficker). “it’s what in TARNATION!” i shouted from my blood-filled lips, giving a smile as warm and comforting as your great grandmother, rising from the dead with worms coming out of her earlobes. “oh shit, a rat!” screamed the northern human (trafficker) and he disintegrated. what my granny didn’t know was even alive, dead people can’t tell he difference between a rotten cucumber and a great big bag of dicks. so i slapped a bitch harder than my seventeen out of eighteen penises and this nightmarish horse careened off a mountain into a mountain, where she was never seen again.
Me, sitting on a Big Rock: “that was hard to watch.”
me, drowning in the desert: “that was hard to understand!”
Mike, grinning upon a bloody mountain of screaming horses: “wanna feel my tingle-dingle?”
*a loud silence followed*
i couldn’t figure out what They we’re doing here, crossing dimensions like some sort of bitchass assbitches, but i walked over to the very large small door that said in bold letters: ‘Employees Only’. “oh,” i exclaimed without any eyeballs, “i wonder what this does!” we all gazed upon what laid inside and frowned as everything and nothing happened